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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Friday, August 18, 2006 11:06 PM
felt so terrible!! hurt too deepp. too bad! i can't stop myself right now.

life is so fragile.
once is broken, it will be shattered
once is fixed back, it will never be the same anymore.
ever since the day you told me the truth, my world collapsed.
i tried to stand up. but i need a lot more courage, a lot more strength.
i'm trained to be independent, i'm trained to put on a strong front.
but i never realised how weak i am, is just too late for everything.

i wan to escape. i seriously can't take it at how much you heart still want her.
even when our relationship started, you are the one who has not gone out of her heart.
is not me who rejected you. but you who lied to me. you lied to me about everything.
right now, my feelings no longer concern you.
i just want to numb myself, hurt myself much more deeper and cut open my heart
so that i can be heartless to everthing.

i yearned for His presence, His love. but i find it so hard.
i yearned for your care and concern, but i find it hard too.
my heart will explode anytime. i had imaginations about me exploding.
this morning, about what you did. it added on to the peak of my heart.
this afternoon's incident also added to it.
i wondered when will be the time i really go bonkas and i will never live normally anymore.

i felt so failure. never had good friends before.
frenz who will give me good advices.
frenz who will share woes and joys.
frenz who will understand you the most.
frenz who will support you in your decision.
frenz who will pull you to a higher level.
i'm not who i used to be, so tolerant.
perhaps because my heart can no longer take it.

i'm sorry to those whom i've shown bad attitudes. if you hate me, just tell mi.
from now onwards, i will just numb myself. i pray that i will be able to do that. sigh.

sad, depressed. i no longer have the courage to walk this life. i felt like ending it. i felt like giving up everything. i'm lying to myself and to other people if i were to say i'm alright. i'm not alright at all, my heart lose too much blood. and is getting weaker each time.

God, give me a revealation of Your greatness that i may dwell in Your Presence everyday.